Interpersonal Effectiveness Psy free essay sample

How To Listen Empathetically Sharon Gaither Argosy University Psychology 180: Interpersonal Effectiveness Professor Erica Wattley October 10, 2012 Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills: Empathy Empathetic Listening Empathy is the way you feel or understand another person; it is a deep emotional understanding of a person’s feelings or problems. It is as we often hear people say put yourself in someone else’s shoes. An empathic listener gives the other person his or her undivided attention. When being an empathic listener you have to focus on the words the speaker is saying and not let yourself be distracted. As you focus on what the person is saying, you can respond when needed. If you don’t understand what the person is saying, it is okay to ask question to get a better perceptive. One way of being a good listener is asking a question that summarizes what the person said to you. For an Example: A friend of mine, who’s Grandmother just passed away, as she was telling me why she was crying and upset, I made sure to repeat â€Å"You are upset because your Grandmother past away†. We will write a custom essay sample on Interpersonal Effectiveness Psy or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page I followed that up with I am so sorry to hear that, I wanted to be a comfort to her. It is oaky to wait before you speak to give yourself time to make sure you have a clear understanding what the person said. Empathy is sometimes confused with sympathy which is feeling for someone, Empathy is feeling as someone. There are two concepts in empathy, the heart part and the head part. The feeling is the heart part and the head part consists of beliefs, values, opinions, attitudes and thoughts. When you have empathy for someone you enter into a person inner world. Empathy is a way of identifying with them. When you can identify with someone you will build a better relationship with the person, it will also help with others in different situations. When you empathize with someone it can help the communication and allow a more positive reaction. While listening empathetically I found it easy to actually just listen. Listening to the persons talking was as simple as keeping eye contact and nodding my head to let them know I was actually listening to them. Had I not kept eye contact or nodded the person probably would not have been so open about the topic. Taking in everything that was being said was simple and challenging. The challenges range from deciphering the different feelings of how the person felt at the time, and now, and trying to keep up with the actual problem. Listening is more than just sitting and looking at someone while they talk. Being an active listener I reached out to be physical with the person as well. I showed them that I understood with just placing my hand on them, or a simple rub on their back. When it came to actually talking back and reiterating to the person that I understood it was more challenging because I had to tell the person what I got from what they said and how I felt about the situation at hand. When identifying with the person I had to explain how I felt at the time things happened to me. When being an empathetic listener you have to remember this is not about you. You are taking the time to help someone else. Even when you feel the time to talk to the person and let them know you understand. Choosing the correct words to use is quiet difficult. I found myself using the word â€Å"understand† more than anything. While trying to keep it impersonal though, it seemed that I was distancing myself from the person. So I had to find the perfect mixture between putting my situation out to the other person and not. When it all came down to it I found that being an empathetic listener helped build the relationship with the people I was actually talking to. When you actually sit and try to understand people you find that you become closer. I also found that there was a sheer appreciation for actually listening to the person. When a person has someone else to sit and listen to them talk about their situation or problems it helps them to relieve stress. During my conversation with my son I had to try and put myself in his shoes. As we set down and began talking my tone was very emotional, I am very angry about how he is living his life at this time. I want him to make some changes and I want to scream at him hoping that at some point he will understanding why I am pushing him to do better. I know at this point that if I wasn’t careful with my tone and the words that I use that I am going to lose his interest period. As we sat and talked I had to stop talking and listen to his reasoning for doing things the way he has been. As soon as he began to speak I got angry because I raised him better. I can’t help but to think about the moral and religious beliefs I have instilled in him that he seems to have forgotten. Even though I was able to listen to my son, I still can’t relate to where he is coming from however now I do have a better understanding. I have always had an opening relationship with my son where he knows that he could tell me anything. He knows that I may get angry at first but after hearing what he has to say, I will take a cool off spell and come back and talk rationally later. As I reflect on this conversation I realize that I have a habit of being overbearing and taking over the conversation and not allowing my son to speak. I start to wonder is how I conduct myself in all conversations. I know that my children and my ex-husband often say that there is no talking to me especially if I have made up my mind. This course has helped me to reflect on myself and work to change the things that I have been doing wrong so that I can communicate more effectively with others. I will still be outspoken and honest but I will try to be honest without hurting others feelings. I notice that it is not what I am saying but how I am saying it. I am more mindful to others as I speak but now I am focusing on listening as well. When I speak to people I want them to give me their full attention so I need to be willing to give the same in return. I believe that if I apply everything that I have learned in this course I will be more effective in both of my business where I deal with people daily. The two main components that I am effective in are Mindfulness and Ethics.